Brenda Sieglitz

About Me

The Story that Needs (Is) Told

I think I'm gonna write.  I know, what do you call THIS?  I've been working (at a pace of about 3 pages a month) on my memoir since after Kevin died.  If you go back to the early days of losing Kevin, you'll see

Life

Trusting Unexpectation

I should know to trust the unexpected, especially if it involves things I have planned around not expecting the unexpected. I am being shown, again and again, that my life is not within in my control.  This hasn't seemed to stop me from being an ultimate control freak,

Life

Threes.

Life tends to go in threes.  It has usually done so for my family, and I have been its bitter grateful recipient.  When Kevin died, within 6 months I lost an angiosarcoma friend, and my grandfather.  Three.  Whenever something has broken in my family, (i.e. washer), the refrigerator and

Life

Do I know?

I really appreciate when people tell me how they see bad situations transform their lives.  A pair of friends were down visiting this past week. At dinner one night, one of them shared how the impact of Kevin's death was bad for them, bad, differently, than what I

Life

Thee Rant.

I was told this week that I was courageous.  She also told me it was time to be weak, to admit my feelings of guilt, my guilt for feeling weak.  Guilt?  What should I have to feel guilty about?  Oh yeah: Click here for all listings involving previously mentioned guilt.

Life

Bite In

Last night was up down up down.  I am definitely having difficulty balancing my varying levels of emotions.  During one of the ups I realized what an amazing group of widow friends that I have acquired.  I spent about 45 minutes on Twitter last evening joking around with these women

Life

Nag Nag Nag

He used to make me so annoyed.  He was in charge of changing the kitty litter, and cooking.  I felt like I was in charge of EVERYTHING else: bills, dishes, cleaning, chauffeur.  I complained.  I nagged.  I bitched to my friends about him.  I did it.  I'm guilty.

Life

Recapture The Day

On Friday my therapist told me I needed to recapture the days that I lost in Kevin's death: our anniversary, his birthday.  The past few years, even my birthday has felt lost because of his death.  I don't really know how to begin doing this, but

Leisure

Looks Good Ahead

This is a taste of my future.  Come May 4, I'll be flying into San Jose, Costa Rica with my boyfriend.  It's all courtesy of the travel writing contest I won through Wyndham Women Local Nation.  I have never left the country, other than to Puerto

About Me

Who is this girl?

I am not the woman I once was. I'm not her. I'm def. not her. This girl wasn't me either. I have gone through a rebirth.  Kevin's death was most likely the catalyst, but the series of events that have tackled my

Leisure

My Spontaneity Done Gone Missing

I like going back to the places I have visited before, which I know I love.  Assateague.  The Cabin.  There are a few choice spots that I visit regularly because it feels like my second home there.  It's not a bad thing - I have great memories at

Life

Sad

My husband died.  2 years 5 months 3 days ago.  While the length at which I have been separated by my husband, from death, is a "reasonable amount of time", I still get sad. I am sad right now.  I hide it, or at least I try to.

Life

Conundrum - Privileged yet Unworthy

A friend Bryan finally had the guts to share his demons. He stepped out on a very shaky limb, and shared his concerns.  It is awesome, I'm proud of him.  I have been fighting through my own demons the past few days, weeks, months, maybe even going on

Uncategorized

Oatmeal Please.

My brain is this. I'm stuck.  I am getting "opportunities" left and right that include free perks, meeting cool people.  On paper, it's awesome.  In my heart, my mind, my soul, I'm going nowhere soon. I read my friend Paul's

About Me

I wanted Four

Visit my friend Sara's blog today.  There you'll find a very personal look into children, and where my dreams of children have gone since losing Kevin.

Leisure

Surrender to Nature

I want to find somewhere new, that's just me.  I want to be somewhere, unrelated to Kevin, myself, the boy, unrelated to anything.  Something that is just new and only has new memories.  Someplace that doesn't take me a back to a time that I will

Life

Widower Wednesday: What I would and can give up

When Kevin died, I said over and over that I would have given up anything to have him still be here on earth.  I no longer feel that immediacy.  While I wish he hadn't passed, I'm content in my new life and where my chapter two

Life

EMDR

My brain is on overload this morning.  Friday I began therapy.  Part of my therapy is the general kind, the other is something called EMDR.  Most people think I'm nuts when I talk about what EMDR involves.  I have decided I am not going to think too much

Local

Saturate Guest Post

Today's blog post you'll find here as part of a two part guest post for LCBC church's 20-something group, Saturate. Go to their blog tomorrow as well for a followup, and next Friday for their Griefshare program blog!

Life

Bookstore Sections

I used to spend a significant amount of time in Bookstores.  When I wasn't old enough to drink, I would grab a coffee at the cafe, and plop myself on the floor in between the aisles of books, just browsing through my next reads. After I lost Kevin,

Life

You are Not your Past

I've been attending church again. Gasp, I know! I have probably gone to church more in the past two months than I have in the past two years. It's a big commitment/step. I like to draw things from the sermons, even if, in my brain,

Life

Wish I Was Walking in their Shoes

I have met so many people in the past two years that have inspired me, and frankly, made me a bit jealous! To me, from the outside in, they have found a personal satisfaction and success in the twists and turns that have brought them to their walk in life.

Life

Death Stalker

Everytime a friend has someone that dies, I stalk their Facebook page. I look for the phrases that send me reeling. The ones that I still can't believe people say. This, of course, is coming from someone who isn't that religious anymore, so some of these

Life

I Want My Organs to Play

I recently posted this article that I wrote on my Facebook page, and asked my friend if they had signed their donor card? Organ donation always stirs up conversation, and a friend posted the link to an article about a man who was killed trying to save a woman from

Life

Nuptual Necessity

I have several friends who have just gotten hitched, and some that are busy planning their upcoming weddings. Weddings are a tough thing for me. The year after Kevin passed, 2009, I attended 8 weddings. I basically went to everyone to which I was invited, not being able to say