Freezing Point

The lake was still frozen, but I was sunshiney, alive.

My leg is numb but the rest of me is ready to roll.

Why can't it all connect?

Today I found out I may have a pinched nerve.  It may also lead to surgery.  I DO have to go to Physical Therapy.  I DO have to restrict myself from lifting, sitting too long, walking too much, doing ANYTHING too much.  If I don't listen to this numb leg of mine, I could have many bigger problems ahead.

I am kicking myself.  Self pity of course.  Why didn't I slow down before now, why couldn't I have taken better care of my health, why did this happen to me, will I feel my leg again?  Of course, it's only been 24 hours of numbness.  Some people go their entire lives with a symptom such as this.  My body has always functioned-maybe not perfectly, but I could get by.  This though, this is different.  I can't feel parts of my body.  That's freaky scary.

I can only do the work now that I should have done before.  I can only take care of myself, give myself grace, stop and slow down.  I can only do what I can do and the rest is up to you know who.

The lake thawed eventually, and I still have sunshiney moments.  Maybe the two will connect soon again in my life.