Life - Brenda Lee Free

Life

A collection of 530 posts

The Many Places We Call Home

The Many Places We Call Home

Several years ago I gave a Pecha Kucha presentation at Tellus 360 in downtown Lancaster about protecting the places we love, places I consider sacred. Places I consider home. As I've been scouring Lancaster county for just the right veggies and plants to fill my gardens, I'

You Never Know When

You Never Know When

Our first Widow Voyages trip of 2017 was a small group and I allowed one our widows to bring her mother along to help fill out the group so we could still go. It was a first for our trip to include a non-widowed person, but I knew the widow

Will I Like Who I Am In The Quiet Moments?

Will I Like Who I Am In The Quiet Moments?

Two weekends ago I felt lightheaded. I took my blood pressure that Friday and it was normal so I wasn't sure what was going on. It had finally begun getting warm outside and stopped raining, so maybe it was just the barometric pressure change throwing me off? The

Camp Widow East - 2016

Camp Widow East - 2016

The second week of March I flew to Tampa, Florida to join two of my best widow friends at Bilmar Beach Resort in Treasure Island for a few days of rest and relaxation before we met the rest of the widows at the Marriott Waterside hotel for my 5th Camp

What if he dies?

What if he dies?

As I chatted about life, my control issues, my constant trying to bypass any negative impact on my life, I found myself sobbing. It was a major breakthrough and as you may know, breakthroughs in therapy are exhausting, reflecting, and disheartening. It means you've come far, but you&

Learning Empathy

Learning Empathy

For the past several weeks I've felt a calm in my heart and soul. Sadness has been creeping in - thinking about Kevin, putting down our oldest dog, coming up on the due date of the child we lost in miscarriage - but over the past several weeks

7

There are few memories ingrained in my like my last 12 hours with Kevin. 7 years ago this morning Kevin's breathing slowed and he passed away after an intense four month battle with a rare cancer - angiosarcoma. It is a moment etched in my life and a

Miscarriage and Remarriage

When I began bleeding, I honestly didn’t think it was a big deal. I figured it was just over-exertion from the weekend before. I figured this was just part of it. My very first ultrasound of Dave and I’s baby proved that the baby’s heart rate was

I'm Grieving

My brain is on overdrive. I want to shut it down. It’s like it’s trying to catch up after months of neglect. After months of depression. I’m seeking, trying to find the change that will fix me. New career. Going back to school. Moving into a different

Where I'm at

I want to anywhere but here, but for right now, I'm meant to be here. When the grief swallows my heart and dreams I'd do anything I can to be somewhere else Living an easier life without so much pain and distress. What looks on the

Open the Book

This past weekend I was able to attend the keynote at Hippocamp and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I've written a couple pages of proposed book #2 and wasn't "feeling it". It felt like a lame account of memories that weren&

Peace, Love and Happiness in Undone Things

Buckwheat Zydeco had us singing "Peace, Love and Happiness" over and over at the end of his set at this weekend's Xponential Music Festival in Camden, NJ. It was our fifth year attending, and one of the best. We even made it the whole way through

Hearts in Harmony 5 Years Later

Today I celebrate the first time I (remember) meeting my husband Dave. I love sharing the story of how we met because I (mostly) don’t believe in coincidences. I believe in things happening for a reason and a purpose, and our meeting was definitely one of those moments. January

The Year of the Book

It's been an amazing year. 112 backers. 443 books sold or donated. 1 book award. 12 events. 1 year ago was book launch day. Thanks to 112 Kickstarter backers, my memoir was brought to life a year ago and since then, 443 books have been sold, donated or

The Injustice Challenge

There's something beautiful and safe about being humble, but I'm learning not to mistake humility for complacency. My eyes have been opened to the world of injustices and part of it makes me want to take action, but most of it just pisses me off. I&

The Right Opportunity

About a year after I lost Kevin I signed myself up for every opportunity possible in the hopes that my life's dreams would align and I would be presented with the perfect situation. It wasn't a bad plan and it sent me on a ton of

The Plight of the Self Published Author

I wish I had made my Kickstarter goal $10,000 so I could have hired an agent and pitched my book to publishers and have let them do all the work. I'd still have had to market it myself, but then all the logistics of actually being able

Owning My Future

The end of the year always gives me a pause to reflect on my life and where I am, even if there’s really no time for things like that. I’ve been weighing out a few “life options” with my husband and friends and last week I realized I

Testing my Character

I think we all like to believe we are moral and decent human beings. Even if we don't always do the right thing, we try to. At least, that's how, I think, I live my life. But lately I feel called into question and I keep

Camp Widow Canada - Facing Our Grief on the Dance Floor

A week ago I made the drive north to Toronto from my home in south central Pennsylvania. Once north of Harrisburg, suburbia begins to fall away and my views are filled with endless miles of streams that cut through vast valleys of deciduous trees just beginning to turn to colors

Furthest Out

Amongst my widowed friends I am one of the furthest out, meaning, that I've been widowed longer than most of the others in my grief circle of friends. I see their struggles, I feel their pain, yet I can't go "back there". On that

Becoming Humble

Tonight's full moon reminded me of the small spec that I am on this earth. This past week I studied rocks in my second week of PA Master Naturalist training and we went through the timeline of how the world was created. I could see on paper the

The Hardest Job in the World

I've always heard that the hardest job in the world is parenting. Mothering in particular. I'm not a mother. For many different reasons, I probably will never be a mother. But I have been a family caretaker and I believe that would be the better description

Sacred Life

I wondered what happened to him. The neighbor that shared my balcony in the city. Neighbors had come and gone but he became a trusted person in the building, someone that didn't scare or worry me in spite of his tumultuous background. But then, he was gone. Evicted.

Fear is Winning

The rain is coming down and I feel the instant relief. It washes away my stresses and brings life to the dying. I crave the cool it brings and the way it cleanses. My heart weighs heavy and the dampness fits just right. Rain doesn't solve my problems