I have a fear

That not me, but others, are going to lose everything. My sister just ushered in this lovely new bundle of joy, and I feel so much love, but also so much fear. I am terrified that something is going to "happen". Maybe it's just the fact that they're still in the hospital that makes me unnerved, but I have so much unrest.

With my family, I am often waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something else to go wrong. It just seems to happen, a lot. I don't want it to happen anymore - I want to have some freedom to enjoy the happiness before the suck occurs. I know it's bound to happen, but let me live freely and in the moment for now.

Do other widows find this happens to them? This intense fear that you're going to watch the ones you love slip away and there will be nothing you can do? I don't think I'm alone in this feeling, I just didn't expect these emotions with such a joyous occasion.

I would love some feedback on this...maybe it IS time for therapy...