Just Be

I should have become an anthropologist.

I love people - being involved with them, interacting with them, watching their mannerisms, and of course, judging them.

A friend said to me tonight that she wasn't worried about cleaning before I came over because I wouldn't judge her.  She was mostly right.

Where does my judgy-ness come from?  Is it just part of my DNA, or was it taught to me growing up?  Is it from the people I surround myself with?  It's not a very good characteristic.

I want to be more apart, judge wise, from people - interacting with them without feeling the need to change or fix or give advice, but just to be with them.  That was something I craved deeply after Kevin died.  For someone to stop talking to me and someone to just be with me.  To be quite honest, it's still something I crave.

But it's nothing something I'm particularly good at.  I want to share MY side, what my influence is on the subject, how I can help, what should be fixed.  But that's probably not what people want to hear.  I was doing so well at it for a while, but then I slipped back into new habits.

How do you just be with someone else without overbearing someone else?  I think it's time I figured that out.  I guess I don't need an anthropology degree for that after all.  I just need to do it.