Raw

I feel so raw and hurt and destroyed tonight. I feel like this blog only seems to get my bad days lately. I'm just so exhausted and sick, and my emotions are so overwhelming. I cry and cry and cry, and it just doesn't end tonight. I finally stop to take a breath, and then the realization of his loss overtakes me and I'm broken again.

God..why? Why?????

I want to have faith and trust, but I am so broken right now. Kevin was my love, my life, my everything, and it's all gone in an isntant. This disease is so horrifying. It tears apart so many. It shames me to realize the evil it contains and how it destroys others.

I am so overtaken by my grief tonight. I haven't cried in days, and suddenly, in 1 night, the fear and pain comes rushing in like a wave of terror. Just thinking of his name...it breaks me.

I miss him so much. So much....