Life Grief Train From 6/19: A friend died today. Angiosarcoma took her life. Just like it did Kevin's in 2008. And I cry, I cry as I type. I cry for this disease that doesn't know when to stop. I cry for her little girls who will grow
Life My Faith Looks Much Different Every single time I have read through the blogs in my book in the past 5 years I feel two ways about the words of faith that I read: * I was naive to think that (and then I go back to, "well, I had to have hope!") * Where
Life Not Good Enough Turning 30 last week reminded of something kind of big, maybe not earth shattering, and more annoying than anything...but I've been telling myself a lot of lies. Here's some of the things my brain eeks out to me sometimes: So you wrote a book? Big
Life Automated Privilege I keep hearing, more and more, that the generation of kids coming out of college expect the world. I guess I am/was part of that. I'm part of the generation that was taught they could do anything. When I was in single digits, I though I would
Life Driving into the Light Many of you haven't had a taste of the book yet, so I wanted to share with you one of my favorite parts of the book. It's also probably one of the difficult scenes: Kevin gets diagnosed with Angiosarcoma in the blog scene, and I am
Life I Had a Dream My Husband Died Early this morning I had a dream that my husband died. Yes, that already happened. To the first one. But this dream was about my current husband. And it wasn't by cancer. This one felt so real. I swear it was in color. They told me it was
Life Book Launch Week On Saturday, March 22, I officially launched my first book, Ebb from the Shoreline - Finding Cancer and Courage. It's been a long 5 year journey writing this memoir which is the love story of my late husband and I, mirrored against the blogs I wrote when Kevin
Life The Braveness of Vulnerability The Year of Bravery. You're going to hear about this journey throughout 2014. One of the things I didn't expect to explore this year was vulnerability. When I think of bravery, I think of strength, going above and beyond, pushing the limits, being fearless, exploring new
Life Being a Neighbor in Grief People associate being neighborly within your own immediate community, but it goes beyond that. Last night, this post begun very differently in my mind. It was focused more on getting out and being nice to people no matter how different they are from yourself. This morning, in light of some
Life Bravery and Liberation in the Cold, Hard Winter Last night I got a lot off of my chest. I was able to release all of my "big questions" with 5 other women in my friend's basement and 2 hours later I left feeling as if much of my anxiety had been released. My anxiety
Life Standing with My Brother - Guest Blog by Matt Trebesch Matt was one of the first to greet me in my new hometown of Missoula, Montana when I moved there on my own in 2006. It felt good knowing that I knew someone in this lonely Western town surrounded by the Bitterroot mountains. We have remained long distance friends through
Life Ask the Big Questions Wednesday night I'm meeting with a group of like-minded women to talk about life. I have too many big questions. I don't want a bible study. I don't want a book group. I want a big life questions group. I want to ask all
Life The Year of Bravery 2013 was amazing. Here are some of the highlights: -Moved out of the city and into suburbia with my husband -Ran 2 5ks -Got Married! -Traveled to Arizona and checked another National Park off my list - Saguaro, and also visited Antigua, Shenandoah National Park, North Carolina, and a local
Life 9 Years of a Crisis of Faith Questions of faith keep whacking me over the head. For the past 5+ years I've gone from gung ho believer, to angry at God, to asking all the big questions with no big answers, to feeling the church was hypocritical, and ultimately I've landed here -
Life The Power of Research The Sandy Hook 1 year anniversary is on Saturday, and thinking of my own life losses around this holiday season, it's hard not think of what can be done to prevent this violence. I believe in prevention, which is why I'm so passionate about cancer research
Life Accepting Anger I think I'm angry. This isn't an emotion I've ever really let myself feel. I've allowed myself to be sad, depressed, miserable. I've been overjoyed, happy, in love. Anger has always been pushed down, refused, resented, not allowed. When I
Life A Change in Scenery Yesterday I did what I would have done 4 years ago - I went for a hike, I ate my favorite foods, I watched a movie. Yet, I felt fairly unsatisfied most of the day. The things that once gave me relief and solace have changed. I am in the
Life 5 Years Since He Died This morning around 8 am, it marked 5 years since Kevin took his last breathe on this earth. The past month, maybe two, I've been riding this intense wave of grief that I refused to believe was grief. I just figured I was moody, hormonal, annoyed from a
Life 35 hours left, $498 to go, an inspiring story that the world needs to read. 35 hours left. $498 to go. It was on this date 5 years ago that Kevin and I were in a hospital room in Johns Hopkins hospital overlooking Baltimore yet again. It was our second time in this hospital, and throughout the day we were anxiously waiting on news from
Life Kickstarter Progress and Emotional Setbacks You can't get anywhere forward without tripping along the way, and trip I have. The past couple weeks I've been feeling the tug and pull of the grief waves, but have refused to really let them bring me down. Yesterday, they did. I ended up bawling
Life The Smell of Hockey I toured a nice hockey facility in Annville today for my daytime job, and in the locker room, the stench hit me. Sweat. Sweaty gear smell. Hockey stench. Kevin. Just a couple of months after Kevin died, I went through his hockey gear bag and the stench flashed me back
Life Support the Kickstarter project and be a part of the book! The time has come and today the Kickstarter campaign to publish my love and loss memoir Ebb from the Shoreline - How I found Hope in Love, Anticipation and Loss is waiting to get funded with your support. Now through October 28, 2013, the 5th anniversary of Kevin's
Life Kickstarter Accepted - Project Launches Sunday On Sunday, check back here for the link to my Kickstarter campaign. It was approved by the Kickstarter staff and from September 29-October 28, 2013 you can pledge anything from $1 to $2500 to support editing, publishing, printing and marketing my love and loss memoir. We have to hit $5,
Life Ebb from the Shoreline is Coming! Today I launched a Facebook Page and Google Plus page to raise support and awareness for the Kickstarter campaign I hope to launch at the end of this month! I'd love for you to support the goal to raise $5500 minimum which will help fund editing, publishing, printing
Life Being Bold When I first began blogging about widowhood, and letting it all hang out, many people remarked to me how honest, passionate, and in depth my entries were. I shared with my blog readers exactly what was going on in my life with the emotions of having lost a spouse. As
