Life There were two. There once was two. There then was one. Now there's two. Meet the other set of feet in my life. Unexpectedly about 5 months ago I had the opportunity to meet someone at a Haiti benefit fundraiser. Since then, those other set of feet have been a part
Life Sentimental Fool I want to let go, I want to move forward, I want freedom. This was former me-married, with a brand new kitten I love, in my apartment-home of The Boitsons. That was me. Now I'm a Boitson. Singular. I'm sentimental-I look back at those pictures, and
Life Present in the Storm Some days, this is me. The tree in the storm. Deeply rooted to my beliefs, my morals, my past, my home, but my branches are thrown about in the winds of my future, of the turmoils of my present, or the grief of my past. I have been feeling very
Life Slow Down Floating down that old river boy All my worries far behind Floatin down that old river boy Leave old memories way behind _ Yes the days slowly fade All my life...I cant wait for this time _ Yes the days slowly fade I've been waitin now and forever for
Life Bodily Harm Grief must take a toll on our bodies. My joints ache, I have developed anxiety, depression, high cholesterol: granted, my weight doesn't help these matters, but most of it has accumulated since having been dealt an unhealthy dose of grief. There are a lot of things in life
Life Help Not Wanted It has always been a hard concept for me to understand that not everyone wants help. It's quite funny that I am not good at understanding this, because in most cases, I am fiercely independent to the point of stubborn (just slightly). When it came to widowhood, and
Life Learning from our Past I think about Kevin less and less. When I do conjure up his image, the thoughts of our marriage and relationship, I feel a tweak guilty for having moved forward. I feel guilt in not mourning "enough" (what is enough?), and at times feel like I have failed
Life Time Warp When you are focused on your grieving process and moving forward while trying to complete daily tasks, you miss a lot of things. If you have ever grieved anything in life, you know that during that process, you miss many things that are right in front of you. Some of
Life Giving Life, Giving Love After writing my blog "Neverlove" a few days ago, that very evening I watched the movie "Ghost of Girlfriends Past". I love Matthew McConaughey. How can you not love his greasy good looks and cheesy copout humor? But besides all that, the movie ended on the
Life Neverlove If you never love, you will never have that devastating hurt. I had an interesting conversation with a good friend this week on love and commitment. I have always failed to understand people's fear in commitment, but there are so many reasons that develop this particular fear. With
Life Anxious to Close Last night I had a major anxiety attack around midnight. Deep breaths did not calm, sitting in a yoga position trying to find my center did nothing, my skin felt crawling, my heart raced, my mind was jumbled. I have not felt that intense of anxiety since Kevin's
Life Closure? Closure is not a word that gets used often in grief. This week I go to give the final "OK" on Kevin's tombstone-the marker noting his final resting place. Yes, it has taken me over 1.5 years to take care of this, but honestly, before
Life InCramity July is insane. I look ahead, and go, wait, is it August? In 2 days I'll be enjoying a hopefully quiet camping beach vacation outside of Assateague with my parents and siblings. In 11 days, I'll be leading the first EVER central Pennsylvania Team Sarcoma event
Life Badge of Honor I wear a badge of honor that says, "Widow". It was stamped on me over a year and a half ago, and I wear it with pride. It is a part of my life, a part of who I am on this day, something I have earned with
Life Cycling Back My life contains a lot of "re". Life is constantly cycling, going from one event to another, but often landing me back at some point near the beginning. A growing process where I start over, but with a different purpose, drive, and ultimately more knowledge. This past week
Life Discontented Sorts My brain is in a slight state of disconnect. I get this way-I have in the past, and so I know this is not 'widow related' persay. It seems that every few months I go through this phase of evaluating my life and changing what's not
Life It is Well This morning I woke up with my favorite hymn in mind "It is Well with my Soul" and I couldn't stop singing. I had attended church for the first time in months on Sunday, and of all the hymns we sang, that was one. The reverend
Life Widowhood Surpasses Wifehood I am approaching the point in which I will have been a widow longer than I was a wife. It's an odd feeling. A widow longer than I was a wife. I can't quite wrap my head around that one. You would think there would be
Life Fath. Yes, Faith is purposely mis-spelled. Cheesy, yes, but it's missing I. I am missing my faith. Not completely, it's still there, but it's missing a lot of key components. I felt very overwhelmed last night and this morning. I'm right at the
Life Shake and Bake Life This morning I was floored. It doesn't happen often, but this morning a friend whom I met through Twitter, floored me. You see, she has breast cancer. The cancer is in her breast, neck, and a spot on her liver. I had somehow missed her tweets about her
Life The Art and Failure of Communication Communication is something we assume just 'happens'. Most of us talk, express feelings, emotions, connect with others on a daily basis. We see this as communication, but the art of communication is often saying what is unsaid. When it is not said, the beauty and simplicity of communication
Life Beat Ourselves Up I am hard on myself. I criticize myself for not seeing my friends enough, for not spending every moment with my friends or family whenever they are able, for not being as flexible as I'd like, for not working out enough, for not completing goals. I cannot do
Life Marriage Focus This morning I woke up with a passion, and as I went about my morning routine and began my day, ultimately I came to feeling defeated. Defeated by what we have let happen, what has become acceptable, and how we can live with it. Yesterday I met a woman who
Life Stop Slowing the "plans", working away from the over-committing to avoid, just stopping and enjoying. Last summer, it was about being able to do those firsts without Kevin. Those first trips to the beach, camping alone, just moving forward with life without him. When I started 2010, I planned
Life It 'twas a short life More thoughts from when I blogged during my trip to the Smoky Mountain National Park: I’m working on the book, reflecting back upon that first momentous year of life with Kevin. I just got to Labor Day weekend 2007, and I think, “wow, I have so much yet to
