Today..

..Is exactly one year since Kevin came home late from work and called to tell me he wouldn't be joining me for the Lancaster city fireworks with my sister and her husband because he was too tired, too sick.

His throat had been sore for several days, but he was struggling through it. I was so disappointed for him not coming downtown to watch them with me. Little did I know it was the angiosarcoma tumor growing in his chest...that we'd have just 4 short months together.

sigh It hurts so bad tonight...watching those fireworks from the front stoop of my apartment. Crying lightly, watching a couple in matching tuxedos carrying their instruments from the downtown concert.....older, having spent their life together. Another couple with their brand new baby. A life I'll never have with Kevin.

A life that was all I wanted, all I dreamed about, all I desired and more.