New Loss - Brenda Lee Free

New Loss

A collection of 56 posts

Last Christmas

I feel a lot of emotions at this being the first Christmas without Kevin. I feel many emotions that our first Christmas together as a married couple, was also our last. It just doesn't feel fair or adequate for the feelings we felt throughout our 3+ years together

Beautiful..

I heard this song tonight at LCBC's christmas service..and for the life of me, I can't remember the name, but it talks about eternity, life, death, and the beauty of salvation. And I cried..and it was beautiful. I'm doing ok-I'm

Emotional Homecoming

I am finding that this past week being home has been really emotional. It's been hitting me very hard, being home, without Kevin. Last night, while shopping at Target, I almost broke down crying in the middle of the home decorations aisle over nothing. I just wanted to

Life So Young

This is the obituary for former co-worker's daughter who passed unexpectedly on Tuesday. Please lift the Russoniello's in your thoughts and prayers.... Elizabeth C. Russoniello Elizabeth Christina “Liz” Russoniello, 20, of Lancaster, died unexpectedly Tuesday at Lancaster General Hospital. Born in Lancaster, PA, Liz was the

Back To "Life"

I'm back to "life", whatever I make of it at this point. I'm adjusting to being back East, and I'm actually LOVING the snow. I like it's freshness and beauty. It's refreshing. Not to mention, I'm

To Here

....and here is the story of what has brought me here... Kevin and I met online just over 3 years ago. I got a mysterious email sent from my old high school personal website that only included a picture. That picture was of Kevin, and after a few emails back

yawn

I was up at 4 am this morning to be driven 1.5 hours to the airport to make sure I was there 2 hours ahead for the usual Monday morning flight rush. I am SOOOOO tired. So, I'm hanging out in one of the airport restaurants getting

Baby Steps

I am titling this blog baby steps, because I think this is my first baby step back to life. It has officially been 5 weeks, 1 day, and 4 hours since Kevin passed. I do not feel good, I do not feel great, I don't even know what

Learning that Life Will Go On

I am slowly but surely learning that life will go on. The past 24 hours have been extremely difficult. Lots and lots of tears and emotions flooding through. I had a horrible night's sleep last night after a long cry, but woke feeling better with my cold, thankfully!

Morning Recuperation

After a fitful night of sleep, some good cold/allergy/anti-biotics, a nice shower, and the miracle of Mary Kay cosmetics, I am doing better this morning. It's amazing how Mary Kay can make you look human again after a night of crying for hours. I feel emotionally

Raw

I feel so raw and hurt and destroyed tonight. I feel like this blog only seems to get my bad days lately. I'm just so exhausted and sick, and my emotions are so overwhelming. I cry and cry and cry, and it just doesn't end tonight.

Loss over the Holidays

Experiencing loss just before the hoiday seasons is never easy. While I had a nice thanksgiving (and as usual ate WAY too much-haha), it was still so hard to experience this holiday without Kev. I really miss him so much. I haven't been able to cry for a

The More I Clean...

The more I clean, the more things I find to remind me of Kevin. Just the simple things...his sunglasses, batteries from his work truck, his old worktruck keys..everything. Today was pretty good-I had a fun time at Ikea with a good friend...but after that, parts of it

1 Month

Today is 4 weeks since Kevin's death. I am so angry and hurt. I hate cancer. I honestly hate it. I want to wage a WAR on it-who's in? Today is a tough day. It's been lots of tough nights since last week and

1 Week to Go

I am anxiously counting down my week until I leave on VACATION. A real, true vacation. While Kevin and I have gotten away to see family, and on weekend trips to the beach, I haven't had more than a TRUE week vacation since our honeymoon almost 2 years

Chapters

Last night I attended The Table community church. My friend told me was that it was dessert night, and being that I know so many people that go there, I thought it would be a nice way to re-introduce myself back into church again. Since Kevin has been sick, I

Brr...

It's hard for me to believe that yesterday I awoke to a white world pre-Thanksgiving! I don't remember the last time that I experienced a thanksgiving week that was so cold, and white. Despite not really being ready for it, it was beautiful to see. It

Progress

Well, I found out I'm not crazy. I'm dealing with this normal, and with strength. I was glad to hear this. It was good to just talk about the issues Im facing, the anger and general irritability I'm having and to find out, it&

A Life of Reflection

I have been given a life of reflection. I always thought I was reflective upon life before, but certain situations in life cause us to look at things differently, to see a new perspective. I always felt like I had true, life experience. What I had was experience on some

Getting the Right Tools

I feel like I am definitely getting the right tools to deal with this grief. I am actually anxious for my grief counseling appt tomorrow. I've been talking about it, and around it, but not in depth. Being able to speak to an outside party about everything will

Hangin' In

I am hanging in. I got out today with a great friend and got a chance to refocus. I have an appt to meet with grief counselor on Thursday, which I think is a step in the right direction. I am feeling less overwhelmed today, but still not "myself&

(Untitled)

My grief has been so overwhelming the past 3 days. Today marks the 3rd week since Kevin's passing, and reality is hitting very hard. I am officially entering my 3rd day of being in a total fog, unsure of which way is up, and unbelieving. Please pray for

Power of the 'Net

I have now officially become one of those annoying coffee shop geeks. I type this via wi-fi at Prince Street Cafe in downtown Lancster while drinking one of my favorite cups of joe and waiting for food to arrive. I am not sure if this is a proud, welcome to

Not Quite Ready

I am just not quite ready to face the crowds/questions at church. I love seeing friends and family, but some things, I'm just not yet prepared for. So, instead, I spent the morning organizing my bedroom. It's the first time I've cleaned/organized

Openness

Talking to a friend online last night, I realized that I probably have an openness that most people don't. I don't have the ticker working anymore that shows me how many people look at the site each day, but so far the highest was around 2400