New Loss - Brenda Lee Free (Page 2)

New Loss

A collection of 56 posts

Grateful

Speaking to a friend about this..I just wanted to share my thoughts with you all on this process I am going through. I want you all to know how truly grateful I feel to have the life I have, and especially, to have the life I did. I was

Where's the Bus?

I ask where's the bus, because it has to be somewhere. I literally feel like I was hit by it! Things hurt in places they're not supposed to, I'm all stuffy, I'm still exhausted (but that's been happening) despite sleeping,

Intensity

I do see things differently since this has happened, and it's not that I feel hopeless about what has happened, but the pain of loss...no thoughts of better perspective or strength right now, are getting me through this immediate pain that is so hardcore. The intensities of

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I can't believe he's really never going to be here again. I can't believe that I won't see him in the mornings I wake up...forever. I can't believe he's not going to be here to hold me

B.L. Boitson, Famous Author? Maybe Someday!

Good Morning everyone. It's amazing how my body just WAKES me up at 9:30 even if I didn't sleep well. Maybe it's time to buy some blinds for this room. We'll see... I just can't stop thinking about Kev,

Good Day?

I kind of feel guilty saying this, but overall, today was a good day. Despite not wanting to get up this morning (facing the official 2 weeks since...), I eventually got my bum moving and went to lunch with a great friend. Afterwards, I went to the interview and it

Premature Baby Steps

So today I am taking one of very few premature baby steps. I have my first interview today, with Willow Valley, for a physical therapy aide position. It's a part time, flexible, M-F position, no weekends or holidays, and it has benefits. It would be AMAZING. For those

Home Sweet Home...

I think I've had this post named Home Sweet Home before, but this time it is so much different. I got back to Lancaster after a fine flight from Winnipeg early this morning. Uneventful thankfully. I'm just going to take some time for myself tonight before

Heading...

Home? It is, yet it isn't. Home is where the heart is..and I'm leaving a big piece here, in Lancaster, and in heaven right now. Today went very well. It was such a beautiful wake, and it was amazing to see all the friends and

Mornings Seem Fresh

So, despite the fallen snow (which is pretty except on the roads, but otherwise, TOO early for me!), mornings are so fresh for me. Sometimes they are hard to wake to-to remember. But most times, compared to the horrible loneliness I feel at night, they're just refreshing. I

Breaking Hearts

My heart is broken. Tonight, looking at Kevin's facebook account, and how he was so ALIVE during this incredible fight with angiosarcoma. It's devastating to me. I just see his smile..and my heart melts, but now it melts in sadness. I miss that smile, his

Will It Work?

I am a pc. I am not a mac. I am a pc. Seriously..I love you Mom II, but your computer makes me very angry. This is probably the umpteenth time I have tried blogging in the past 24 hours, so we'll see if it FINALLY works!

Keep it Kevin

I think this is my new mantra: Keep it Kevin. It just fits for a LOT of things, especially right now. I just want to make my life so that it would keep it Kevin. Yes, I have to make some BIG changes, and to a lot of grieving, a

Packing....

I'm packing up for my trips to Canadialand :). I am looking forward to the trip, but I know it will be impossibly difficult to be there without Kev. It's a trip that must be taken, but it's never easy. I don't think

Fresh Start

I stole this headline from Yahoo....It read "The World Gears Up For a Fresh Start For America". I think that sounds great. Fresh starts..... This morning I am feeling much more balanced having bawled any and all tears out, slept like a baby (and for the first

So Tired

I just wanted to let you all know I'm doing a little bit better than an hour ago. Got to talk to my wonderful bro for a bit, and connect online with this amazing young widows support group. Praying I get sleep...... just a promo....VOTE TOMORROW!

Beyond the Tears

I can't remember one time throughout this entire journey that I sat down and blogged while crying. I don't know how I got through 4 months without crying while blogging, but for whatever reason, the tears always came at different times. That time is tonight though.

Some Days Just Stink

...some days, just stink. And I have a feeling they will for a long, long time.

Beauty

Yesterday was beautiful, yet one of the most difficult days I have faced. The hardest part is that I know I will have even more difficult days ahead as the realization hits me that Kev is gone. What you all shared with me yesterday, and with Linda and Ken, was

Not the Typical Widow

I'm not sure I can handle the word "widow" at my age. If you don't already know, I'm just 24. Who's a widow at 24??? It's just so hard to FACE that word. I think that's

Irony

I don't know if it's Irony or what. But today Kevin will be buried in the same cemetary as the church we were married in. My funeral dress is currently hanging off of my wedding dress (as we moved in with my parents, and the dress

...

Again, no words to speak of today. Doug arrived safely, and we all went to say goodbye to Kevin before the casket was closed. An amazingly difficult day, but we celebrated his spirit tonight by dining at Five Guys Burgers and Fries, one of his favorite places. Afterwards, Linda, Ken

Tough Weekend Ahead

This is going to be a tough weekend ahead for ALL of us. Today we are going to the funeral home to see Kevin before the casket is closed. I cannot imagine how this is going to feel, but I know it's going to hurt very badly. Tomorrow

Winnipeg Obituary

KEVIN EDWARD BOITSON Kevin Edward Boitson, 36, of Conestoga, Pennsylvania and formerly Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada passed at Johns Hopkins Hospital, in Baltimore, Maryland on Tuesday, October 28. He is now with his Lord and Savior after a courageous four month battle with Angiosarcoma cancer. Kevin was well loved by all

Nights are the Hardest

I am finding nighttime is worst for all of this. I just feel so lonely at night without Him to talk to. Even if it was just pouring him juice after juice, just the companionship to have him with me at the end. I miss it all. It's